Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Faint Praise
“Mr. K., you’re our favorite sub,” third grader Nicole offhandedly told me today as she was lying on the classroom carpet during a writing exercise. As I tried to supress a proud smile, Alyssa, alongside her, looked up and amended the compliment: “Our favorite boy sub.” Wait…what? O.K., the “boy” mitigated somewhat the qualified praise. Alexa immediately chimed in. “Are there any other boy subs?” she wondered aloud. Raised up and cut down in one motion.
Friday, December 21, 2012
What I’ve Learned From First Graders
My heart breaks
for the parents of the first-grade children killed in Newtown, Connecticut, a week ago and for the devastating loss to their community of so much innocent and
vibrant young life. It’s an unimaginable nightmare for every family. How does
anyone begin to cope with such inconsolable grief?
• First graders will interrupt the teacher’s lesson or read-aloud story to interject some personal comment unrelated to anything they have just heard.
• First graders never complain about the weather.
• First graders do not let correct spelling or punctuation get in the way of their writing.
• To hear them tell it, first graders are experts in anything you can name.
• First graders are unblinkingly honest when evaluating others’ appearances but indifferent about their own.
• On the hottest days in June, first graders will become uncontrollably manic during recess and then ask why it is so hot in the classroom.
• First graders will enthusiastically greet you every single time they see you in the course of the day.
• First graders cannot wait to be a year older (or half a year older) but have no concept of an adult’s age.
• Upon completing some written assignment, first graders love to ask, “Can we color it now?”
• First graders are prone to hyperbolic one-upmanship.
• Despite all evidence to the contrary, first graders will never admit to being tired.
• First graders believe anything you tell them.
Just the day
before the senseless tragedy I had taught a class of first graders in New
Jersey. I thought about them when the terrible news broke. I’ve been lucky enough to have stepped in from time to time over the
past three years as a substitute teacher for that grade. It is an assignment I
always eagerly anticipated because it never failed to be educational while charmingly
unpredictable. Here are some of the things those children taught me:
• First graders
will animatedly raise their hands when a question is posed, but after being
called upon they will invariably have no answer or have forgotten what they were
going to say.
• First graders
are supremely confident about their abilities, whether it is sports, academics,
or the arts, claiming to be the best, the fastest, the strongest, smartest, and
most talented in every area of interest.
• It’s toxic to
stand behind first graders after lunch.
• First graders will interrupt the teacher’s lesson or read-aloud story to interject some personal comment unrelated to anything they have just heard.
• First graders never complain about the weather.
• If they know a
sticker is the reward for good work, first graders will rededicate their
efforts.
• First graders do not let correct spelling or punctuation get in the way of their writing.
• First graders consider themselves to be
much more sophisticated and mature than kindergartners, whom they call “babies.”
• To hear them tell it, first graders are experts in anything you can name.
• First graders are unblinkingly honest when evaluating others’ appearances but indifferent about their own.
• On the hottest days in June, first graders will become uncontrollably manic during recess and then ask why it is so hot in the classroom.
• First graders will enthusiastically greet you every single time they see you in the course of the day.
• First graders are
incapable of walking quietly in single file down a school hallway. Their
preferred mode of locomotion is to skip noisily while nudging one another from
point A to point B.
• If there is a
puddle, first graders will walk through it rather than around it.
• First graders
laugh whenever they hear the word “underwear” and consider “shut up” and “stupid”
to be bad words.
• When asked if
they have any questions, first graders will launch into unrelated anecdotes.
• First graders cannot wait to be a year older (or half a year older) but have no concept of an adult’s age.
• Upon completing some written assignment, first graders love to ask, “Can we color it now?”
• First graders are prone to hyperbolic one-upmanship.
• I have been
invited by first graders to go bike riding and fishing with them, to babysit, watch
a movie, and accompany them to their T-ball and soccer games.
• First graders will volunteer secrets about their parents that would mortify the parents if
they had any inkling that such intimate information was being disseminated so
offhandedly.
• Despite all evidence to the contrary, first graders will never admit to being tired.
• First graders believe anything you tell them.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Reading Comprehension
Subbing for the first-grade teacher, I was able to fulfill my favorite part of working with the children: reading a story aloud to them. This time, it was a cherished book: “The True Story of the Three Little Pigs,” by A. Wolf (as told to children’s author Jon Scieszka and illustrator Lane Smith). It’s a retelling of the fairy tale from the point of view of the incarcerated wolf, who attempts to set the record straight after being unfairly maligned since the story was first told.
“My name is Alexander T. Wolf,” he begins in the first paragraph, “but you can call me ‘Al.’”
A hand went up. A question already?
Yes, Angie?
“My daddy’s name is Al.”
More hands were raised.
Let’s continue, I decided, anticipating a protracted interruption for a recitation of other familiarly known people named Al.
A few additional non sequiturs later, we had finished the story. The assignment for the students was to choose which version (the original or this retelling) they liked better and why, in at least two complete sentences.
My favorite response, again from Angie, was this: “I liked the new version because the fox was in jail.”
What fox?
“The fox in the book.”
You mean the big bad wolf, who told the story?
“I thought it was a fox.”
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Show and Tell
Third-grader
Remi was concluding the day with her “Star of the Week” presentation. It’s a
prolonged show-and-tell in which the children take turns revealing themselves
to their classmates via poster, photographs, drawings, and personal artifacts.
There
were photos of Remi as a baby and others at various ages, with family members,
and at different vacation spots.
“This is
my dog,” Remi said, pulling a stuffed animal out of a tote bag. “And look, she
has puppies,” unzipping four smaller stuffed animals from the mother dog’s
stomach. Remi also talked about a purple plush carry-all bought for her in
Italy by her musician father.
“And here
is my favorite,” she said, holding up a locket on a ribbon. “It was my great
grandma’s.” She opened the locket. “This is a spot for a small photo of
me, but I didn’t put one in yet.”
I was
standing next to Athan, one of her classmates, during this part of the
presentation. He motioned for me to lean over so that he could say something.
When I did, he whispered conspiratorially, “Sometimes when two people are in
love, they put photos of each other in the locket.”
Monday, December 10, 2012
Kid Stuff
One
five-year-old little boy, in the course of one unforgettable day in kindergarten, asked
or told me the following:
• What’s your first name?
• I just don’t like reading.
• Mr. Jerry, when’s recess?
• I’m talented at climbing.
• How old are you?
• “W” is for “whale” or “what’s happenin’”
• My pants are falling down.
• What’s the name of your elf?
• I love to write art. I’m a great artist.
• You can’t have all that paper [to his classmates]. You’re wasting trees.
• I didn’t wear a coat today because when I got up, the sky was white.
• Guess what? My dad bites his nails. I bite my nails, too.
• Where’s [the regular teacher]
Mrs. B?
• I like baseball because you get
really cool trophies.• What’s your first name?
• I just don’t like reading.
• Mr. Jerry, when’s recess?
• I’m talented at climbing.
• What’s the name of your elf?
• I love to write art. I’m a great artist.
• You can’t have all that paper [to his classmates]. You’re wasting trees.
• I didn’t wear a coat today because when I got up, the sky was white.
• Guess what? My dad bites his nails. I bite my nails, too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)