My heart breaks
for the parents of the first-grade children killed in Newtown, Connecticut, a week ago and for the devastating loss to their community of so much innocent and
vibrant young life. It’s an unimaginable nightmare for every family. How does
anyone begin to cope with such inconsolable grief?
Just the day
before the senseless tragedy I had taught a class of first graders in New
Jersey. I thought about them when the terrible news broke. I’ve been lucky enough to have stepped in from time to time over the
past three years as a substitute teacher for that grade. It is an assignment I
always eagerly anticipated because it never failed to be educational while charmingly
unpredictable. Here are some of the things those children taught me:
• First graders
will animatedly raise their hands when a question is posed, but after being
called upon they will invariably have no answer or have forgotten what they were
going to say.
• First graders
are supremely confident about their abilities, whether it is sports, academics,
or the arts, claiming to be the best, the fastest, the strongest, smartest, and
most talented in every area of interest.
• It’s toxic to
stand behind first graders after lunch.
• First graders
will interrupt the teacher’s lesson or read-aloud story to interject some
personal comment unrelated to anything they have just heard.
• First graders
never complain about the weather.
• If they know a
sticker is the reward for good work, first graders will rededicate their
efforts.
• First graders
do not let correct spelling or punctuation get in the way of their writing.
• First graders consider themselves to be
much more sophisticated and mature than kindergartners, whom they call “babies.”
• To hear them
tell it, first graders are experts in anything you can name.
• First graders
are unblinkingly honest when evaluating others’ appearances but indifferent about their own.
• On the hottest
days in June, first graders will become uncontrollably manic during recess and
then ask why it is so hot in the classroom.
• First graders
will enthusiastically greet you every single time they see you in the course of
the day.
• First graders are
incapable of walking quietly in single file down a school hallway. Their
preferred mode of locomotion is to skip noisily while nudging one another from
point A to point B.
• If there is a
puddle, first graders will walk through it rather than around it.
• First graders
laugh whenever they hear the word “underwear” and consider “shut up” and “stupid”
to be bad words.
• When asked if
they have any questions, first graders will launch into unrelated anecdotes.
• First graders
cannot wait to be a year older (or half a year older) but have no concept of an
adult’s age.
• Upon completing
some written assignment, first graders love to ask, “Can we color it now?”
• First graders
are prone to hyperbolic one-upmanship.
• I have been
invited by first graders to go bike riding and fishing with them, to babysit, watch
a movie, and accompany them to their T-ball and soccer games.
• First graders will volunteer secrets about their parents that would mortify the parents if
they had any inkling that such intimate information was being disseminated so
offhandedly.
• Despite all
evidence to the contrary, first graders will never admit to being tired.
• First graders believe
anything you tell them.