Vocations

Last June, the regular schedule for the second grade called for a technology lesson in the library. But on the penultimate full day of classes, the school library was closed and the librarian otherwise engaged. Forced to improvise in the classroom for that time slot, I gave the children a writing assignment, asking them to describe what they considered (A) the most dangerous jobs and (B) the safest jobs, and what made each so. The results were typically, and wonderfully, unpredictable.

Most Dangerous Jobs

Caroline identified fishing, giving three reasons: “You could get lost at sea, the ship could sink, and you could get sick.”

“Building a skyscraper,” said Mazz, “because you could fall off it.”

Kenny agreed.  “A worker at the Empire State Building” was at the greatest risk “because if you fall, you die.” He added a footnote: “My grandpa worked at the tip of the Empire State Building.” Kenny then thought of another hazardous vocation: “Workers on the Grand Canyon.”

What kind of workers, I asked, and what made that work dangerous?

 “The people who make signs and build paths,” he explained. “It’s so far, you can’t even see a river.”

Andrew described the risks to hockey players: “A blade of the skate could hit the back of another player’s leg, where there’s no protection. And the puck could go through your helmet, and also you could get checked by other teams and you could also get in fights.”

Michael saw similar dangers in lacrosse because, he said, “The defense has a six-foot-long stick and your legs have no protection.” Furthermore, “Some helmet bars are very wide, so the ball goes through them.”

Ella saw risks in domestic chores: “A worker at a laundromat because if you fall in the washing machine, you go in circles and could drown.”

Ali identified a job I was unfamiliar with: “Being a gator boy.”

Huh?

“A gator boy—an alligator boy.” She explained: “You have to catch gators with your bare hands. Look, I made a picture of one,” she said, producing a somewhat fleshed-out stick figure who was holding two green-crayoned alligators, one in each hand.

“Catching sharks is dangerous,” wrote Erin. “You could get eaten.”

“No, I think the most dangerous job is being on [the TV show] Call of the Wild Man because you have to catch snapping turtles and poisonous snakes,” said Jade.

“Being in the army,” said Ryan. “You can get shot and bombed and killed and stabbed by a knife.”

Ben took a fatalistic view at odds with his age: “You could diye (sic) at any job.”

Safest Jobs

Andrew: “Workers at the Apple store. It has a lot of security cameras.”

Michael: “Being on Sesame Street because all the things you have to work with are kids and puppets.”

Kenny: “Working at a senior [citizen] center. All they do is sleep and, if you need to, you just call 911.”  Then he had another thought: “Being a worker at McDonald’s because all you have to do is make burgers.”

“And chicken!” said Jade.

Chris: “Making ice cream.”

Mazz: “Driving a boat because all you do is turn a wheel…”

“No!” cried Ryan. “A cruise ship could sink, like the Titanic.” As a safer alternative Ryan suggested being a baseball umpire. “All you do is call balls and strikes and outs and safes and give the catcher new baseballs.”

Ella: “Folding underwear.” This was popular with her classmates, every one of whom laughed and then repeated the word “underwear.”

Caroline said it all in one word: “Playing.”

Ben had the last say. “No job is safe,” he said, because you could get hurt in any of them.” 

For example? 

“A computer worker could get electrocuted and a chef could cut off a finger.”