The expiration
date on the following has long since passed
•
"Bigly"
•
MLB's experiment for
extra innings
•
The song
"Centerfield" at a baseball game
•
"Cotton-eyed
Joe" at Yankee Stadium
•
Baseball caps with
business attire
•
An over-romanticized
view of baseball
•
Baseball by the book
•
Baseball
•
Sideline
"reporters"
•
College basketball TV
directors who cut away from live action to show the crowd
•
Bill Raftery's catch
phrases
•
References to college
basketball players' length
•
The paint area (also
known as "the paint")
•
References to college
basketball's "deck" and "tin"
•
"Are you kidding
me?" and "Are you serious?"
•
Sit-coms (except for FOX
"News")
•
Fabricated news
•
Fabricated first names
with apostrophes
•
The NBA Dunk Contest
•
The NBA All-Star game
•
Late-night-TV news
banter
•
Thought leaders
•
The Grammys
•
Participation trophies
•
Non-horticultural use of
"landscape"
•
Sponsored content
•
Mitch McConnell and Paul
Ryan
•
The Pro Bowl
•
Pro bowlers
•
Sabermetricians
•
Jargon-addled sports
broadcasters
•
Super Bowl half-time
extravaganzas
•
Super Bowl commercials
•
Attention devoted to
Super Bowl commercials
•
Media coverage of Super
Bowl commercials
•
The Super Bowl
•
Rex Ryan
•
Roger Goodell
•
TV media
"critics"
•
Steve Carell
•
Steve Bannon
•
Bagpipes
•
"Star Wars"
plot lines
•
Whistlers
•
The Tea Party
•
Anything non-dangerous
that is said to be "under the radar"
•
Don Imus
•
"Iconic"
anything
•
Nicolas Cage
•
Alternate facts
•
Alternate spellings of
common first names
•
The alt-right
•
Kellyanne Conway
•
Al Sharpton
•
The DH
•
Exhortations to clap at
sporting events
•
Coaches who think they
invented the game
•
Sean Hannity
•
Sean Spicer
•
Sean Penn
•
Penn and Teller
•
The "William
Tell" overture at sporting events
•
Pre-game shows
•
Overhead hand clapping
•
Jeff Sessions
•
Half-time shows
•
Radio commercials that
repeat a phone number three times
•
Betsy DeVos
•
Action movies where the
men never shave but remain clean-shaven
•
Owners of unleashed dogs
•
Mike Francesa
•
Undisciplined children
at public events
•
Bud Light commercials
•
Bill Maher
•
"American
Idol"
•
Howard Stern
•
Conversationalists who
finish the ends of my sentences
•
Ben Stiller
•
John Feinstein
•
Apostrophes in simple
plural words
•
Celine Dion
•
Systemic anything
•
Thomas Kinkaid paintings
•
Tracy Morgan
•
Air-guitar-playing
adults
•
High-fives (and
high-tens) shared by adult spectators
•
Primal screams by
athletes after a dramatic moment
•
Teased hair
•
Cotton candy
•
Saltwater taffy
•
Toffee
•
The use of "incredible"
and "incredibly" as modifiers.
•
Men's shirt tails
sticking out from under sweaters
•
Groomed stubble
•
Julianne Moore
•
The World Series of
Poker
•
"Going forward…"
•
Infomercials
•
LeRoy Neiman
•
Pedestrian buttons on
traffic lights
•
Mariah Carey
•
Mariah Carey wannabes
•
Howie Mandel
•
Whoopi Goldberg
•
George Lopez
•
Pitch-by-pitch replays
•
Exploding logos
•
Capital One commercials
•
Heaven-pointing athletes
•
Tip jars
•
The red carpet
•
Madonna
•
Cher
•
Thunderstix
•
McDonald’s commercials
•
Anything that takes you
to the next level
•
Quentin Tarantino
•
Geico cavemen
•
TV time-outs
•
Soup spoons
•
Nun-bashers
•
Draftniks
•
Bracketologists
•
People who use the word
"systemic"
•
Advertorials
•
Professional writers who
use "disinterested" when they mean "uninterested"
•
Crewcuts on women
•
Mohawks on anyone but
Mohawks
•
Whispery-voiced
spokespersons
•
Dr. Seuss
•
Phil Jackson
•
Samuel L. Jackson
•
Drivers who cut in on
highway exit lanes
•
Scheduled play dates
•
"Feel-good"
stories
•
Small talk
•
Game changers
•
Matthew McConaughey
•
Prescribed reading lists
•
Ramp-ups
•
Roll-outs
•
Platforms
•
Cameron Crazies
•
Damian Lewis
•
Any non-genetic
reference to DNA
•
WWE/WWF
•
Lite beer
•
Happy-talk TV news
•
Chest bumping
•
"I was
like..."
•
Mindsets
•
NASCAR
•
Drum solos
•
People who use
"impact" instead of "affect" as a verb
•
James Cameron
•
Wanda Sykes
•
National anthem
balladeers
•
Fedoras worn by anyone
under the age of 80
•
Sycophants
•
Toadies
•
Jimmy Fallon
•
Camp (both kinds)
•
Happy campers
•
Nicole Kidman
•
Chit-chatting librarians
•
Bruce Willis and
Harrison Ford as action heroes
•
Solemn postgame
interviews with losing coaches
•
Bottled water
•
Canned laughter
•
Laugh tracks
•
Jim Gray
•
Pete Rose
•
"I mean..."
•
Charlie Sheen
•
Mock drafts
•
Demographics that count
"eyeballs"
•
Those obsessed with
Princess Di
•
Elvis fanatics
•
"Hot-button"
issues
•
Grown men who refer to
anyone as "dawg"
•
Dudes
•
The Wave
•
Buzz
•
Clickbait
•
Soccer moms and soccer
dads
•
Tattoos
•
Chest-thumping athletes
•
Monochromatic attire
•
Leaf blowers
•
Vuvuzelas
•
Sportswriters who refer
to athletes as courageous
•
Mike Pence
• Donald Trump
