Overstaying Their Welcome (Revised)

The expiration date on the following has long since passed

•                "Bigly"

•                MLB's experiment for extra innings

•                The  song "Centerfield" at a baseball game

•                "Cotton-eyed Joe" at Yankee Stadium

•                Baseball caps with business attire

•                An over-romanticized view of baseball

•                Baseball by the book

•                Baseball

•                Sideline "reporters"

•                College basketball TV directors who cut away from live action to show the crowd

•                Bill Raftery's catch phrases

•                References to college basketball players' length

•                The paint area (also known as "the paint")

•                References to college basketball's "deck" and "tin"

•                "Are you kidding me?" and "Are you serious?"

•                Sit-coms (except for FOX "News")

•                Fabricated news

•                Fabricated first names with apostrophes

•                The NBA Dunk Contest

•                The NBA All-Star game

•                Late-night-TV news banter

•                Thought leaders

•                The Grammys

•                Participation trophies

•                Non-horticultural use of "landscape"

•                Sponsored content

•                Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan

•                The Pro Bowl

•                Pro bowlers

•                Sabermetricians

•                Jargon-addled sports broadcasters

•                Super Bowl half-time extravaganzas

•                Super Bowl commercials

•                Attention devoted to Super Bowl commercials

•                Media coverage of Super Bowl commercials

•                The Super Bowl

•                Rex Ryan

•                Roger Goodell

•                TV media "critics"

•                Steve Carell

•                Steve Bannon

•                Bagpipes

•                "Star Wars" plot lines

•                Whistlers

•                The Tea Party

•                Anything non-dangerous that is said to be "under the radar"

•                Don Imus

•                "Iconic" anything

•                Nicolas Cage

•                Alternate facts

•                Alternate spellings of common first names

•                The alt-right

•                Kellyanne Conway

•                Al Sharpton

•                The DH

•                Exhortations to clap at sporting events

•                Coaches who think they invented the game

•                Sean Hannity

•                Sean Spicer

•                Sean Penn

•                Penn and Teller 

•                The "William Tell" overture at sporting events

•                Pre-game shows

•                Overhead hand clapping

•                Jeff Sessions

•                Half-time shows

•                Radio commercials that repeat a phone number three times

•                Betsy DeVos

•                Action movies where the men never shave but remain clean-shaven

•                Owners of unleashed dogs

•                Mike Francesa

•                Undisciplined children at public events

•                Bud Light commercials

•                Bill Maher

•                "American Idol"

•                Howard Stern

•                Conversationalists who finish the ends of my sentences

•                Ben Stiller

•                John Feinstein

•                Apostrophes in simple plural words

•                Celine Dion

•                Systemic anything

•                Thomas Kinkaid paintings

•                Tracy Morgan

•                Air-guitar-playing adults

•                High-fives (and high-tens) shared by adult spectators

•                Primal screams by athletes after a dramatic moment

•                Teased hair

•                Cotton candy

•                Saltwater taffy

•                Toffee

•                The use of "incredible" and "incredibly" as modifiers.

•                Men's shirt tails sticking out from under sweaters

•                Groomed stubble

•                Julianne Moore

•                The World Series of Poker

•                "Going forward…"

•                Infomercials

•                LeRoy Neiman

•                Pedestrian buttons on traffic lights

•                Mariah Carey

•                Mariah Carey wannabes

•                Howie Mandel

•                Whoopi Goldberg

•                George Lopez

•                Pitch-by-pitch replays

•                Exploding logos

•                Capital One commercials

•                Heaven-pointing athletes

•                Tip jars

•                The red carpet

•                Madonna

•                Cher

•                Thunderstix

•                McDonald’s commercials

•                Anything that takes you to the next level

•                Quentin Tarantino

•                Geico cavemen

•                TV time-outs

•                Soup spoons

•                Nun-bashers

•                Draftniks

•                Bracketologists

•                People who use the word "systemic"

•                Advertorials

•                Professional writers  who use "disinterested" when they mean "uninterested"

•                Crewcuts on women

•                Mohawks on anyone but Mohawks

•                Whispery-voiced spokespersons

•                Dr. Seuss

•                Phil Jackson

•                Samuel L. Jackson

•                Drivers who cut in on highway exit lanes

•                Scheduled play dates

•                "Feel-good" stories

•                Small talk

•                Game changers

•                Matthew McConaughey

•                Prescribed reading lists  

•                Ramp-ups

•                Roll-outs

•                Platforms

•                Cameron Crazies

•                Damian Lewis

•                Any non-genetic reference to DNA

•                WWE/WWF

•                Lite beer

•                Happy-talk TV news

•                Chest bumping

•                "I was like..."

•                Mindsets

•                NASCAR

•                Drum solos

•                People who use "impact" instead of "affect" as a verb

•                James Cameron

•                Wanda Sykes

•                National anthem balladeers

•                Fedoras worn by anyone under the age of 80

•                Sycophants

•                Toadies

•                Jimmy Fallon

•                Camp (both kinds)

•                Happy campers

•                Nicole Kidman

•                Chit-chatting librarians

•                Bruce Willis and Harrison Ford as action heroes

•                Solemn postgame interviews with losing coaches

•                Bottled water

•                Canned laughter

•                Laugh tracks

•                Jim Gray

•                Pete Rose

•                "I mean..."

•                Charlie Sheen

•                Mock drafts

•                Demographics that count "eyeballs"

•                Those obsessed with Princess Di

•                Elvis fanatics

•                "Hot-button" issues

•                Grown men who refer to anyone as "dawg"

•                Dudes

•                The Wave

•                Buzz

•                Clickbait

•                Soccer moms and soccer dads

•                Tattoos

•                Chest-thumping athletes

•                Monochromatic attire

•                Leaf blowers

•                Vuvuzelas

•                Sportswriters who refer to athletes as courageous

•                Mike Pence

 •                Donald Trump

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