Glory Days?

In baseball, remember when…

... pitchers did not have to be "stretched out" via baby steps that involved throwing on "flat ground," throwing a "bullpen," throwing a simulated inning in batting practice to the scrubs, and being farmed out for "rehab" assignments at each of the major-league club's three upper-level minor-league affiliates before having their pitch count scrutinized like an EKG while they rebuilt arm strength?

... beat reporters responded to the banalities they were fed by club personnel with skepticism rather than with blithe acceptance of and allegiance to such nonsense? 

... beat reporters didn’t ask postgame questions that began, “How excited/happy/proud are you feeling right now?”

...Sunday double-headers were a regular part of every team's schedule?

... players didn’t point to the sky (or to the top of the dome) after touching home? 

... the rotator cuff and oblique muscle had not yet been discovered?

... no one counted pitches?

... players didn’t need a day off after a night game?

... staffs comprised 10 pitchers, including four starters who took the mound every fourth day and came out only when they lost effectiveness?

... starting pitchers not working that day’s game were used as pinch runners late in the game?

... pitchers who covered first base on a ball hit to the right side did not need time out before the next pitch to get their wind back?

... players ran hard without hurting themselves?

... umpires called balls and strikes in a timely manner and not like Hamlet pondering their existential fate?

... the manager was fatter than his players?

... players didn't have to be "shut down?"

... players were not handled like Faberge eggs?

... relief pitchers entered the game and remained until they lost effectiveness or completed the game (see Moe Drabowski in Game 1 of the 1969 World Series)?

... teams did not require eight relievers at any one time on the roster? 

... a relief pitcher could throw one inning on consecutive days without his manager nominating him for the Medal of Honor?

... a general manager did not summon an emergency reliever from the minors because his manager did not want to “deplete” his “exhausted” bullpen that had pitched four innings in the previous night’s game?

... a player knew how to bunt without needing an incentive clause in his contract?

... baseball announcers were not paid by the word and did not regard themselves as part of the entertainment?

... the telecast did not incude replays of foul balls?

... no one cared about pitch-by-pitch replays? What! No one cares about that even now?

Sunday Punch

If you drank a shot every time Michael Kay, during Yankee telecasts, says “and…as well,” you could be incoherent by the ninth inning. But his colleague Kim Jones, in her in-game Yankees’ report for the YES network on Saturday, hit a rare triple redundancy when she used “and,” “also,” and “as well” in the same sentence. She could have touched ‘em all if only she had included “too” in that sentence.  

Likewise, language eluded the Journal News’s Yankees beat reporter, who wrote this on Friday night: “Some guy ran onto the field, lost his shoes just a few feet into the outfield, then laid on the ground….”

The good-natured fan who caught Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit gave the ball to Jeter. Not long after, commemorative balls with a “DJ3K” logo were being hawked during the Yankee game for $49.99 and autographed balls for $699. That did not include shipping and handling charges, we were told. There is also—no joke—a framed dirt collage for $149.99.

Athleticism (real athleticism, not the faux fitness of baseball players) will be on display this afternoon when the U.S. women’s soccer team plays Japan for the World Cup. Amazingly, not one strained oblique, hamstring, quad, or calf after hours of strenuous running, stopping, twisting, and physical contact.

Speaking of athleticism, Seattle Seahawks receiver Golden Tate took issue via Twitter with the inclusion of a Nascar driver among the ESPY nominees for Best Male Athlete: “Jimmy johnson up for best athlete???? Um nooo .. Driving a car does not show athleticism.” I don’t know. Plenty of people in my neighborhood drive just as fast around town with just one hand while talking or texting on their cell phones and reprimanding their toddlers in the back seat. No word on how Tate feels about the athleticism of golfers, bowlers, and Yankee pitchers not named Rivera.

Speaking of Twitter, do you refer to people who use Twitter as “twits?” It seems appropriate given the volume of trivial information and opinions they disseminate.

Sunday Punch

Quotes from a week of reading on the beach:

“The first duty of a friend is to preserve illusion.” — Anatol, by Arthur Schnitzler

“Fasting makes the body cave in; hence the spirit caves in; and all thoughts born of a fast must necessarily be half-starved.” — said by Ishmael in Moby Dick

“[He] had the natural self-confidence that many misinterpret as a leadership quality. In his case, this confidence was based solely on being blessed with total blindness to his own shortcomings, a quality which would inevitably take him to the top….” — Nemesis, by Jo Nesbo

“Humans are the only living creatures to practice revenge.” — Nemesis

Sunday Punch

“The Greeks often talk about phronesis, practical wisdom. It’s a concept that has no direct equivalent in English. We sometimes talk of “knowledge” or “common sense,” but phronesis implies something more. Phronesis is the ability to figure out what to do, while at the same time knowing what is worth doing.

“Phronesis allows soldiers to fight well and leaders to rule well, and, as Aristotle argued, it can only be obtained through experience. My own experiences in Rwanda, in Iraq, and elsewhere had not made me a militarist or a pacifist, or any kind of “ist.” I knew that the world would continue to require us to make hard decisions about when we draw the sword and I’d seen that the use of force was both necessary and imperfect. There is no school of thought that can save us from the simple fact that hard decisions are best made by good people, and that the best people can only be shaped by hard experience.” -- “The Heart and the Fist,” by Eric Greitens

“I feel like anyone who scratches a piece of paper, children especially, are natural talents as artists. The thing that defeats children from becoming great artists are adults coming up to them and looking at it and saying, ‘Well, let’s see, maybe we can make that look more like a dog.’ All it is is the suppression of the child. Society wipes them out, fills them with fear.” -- J.P. Donleavy

“Even hatred needs a response if it is to endure.” –- “The Death of the Adversary,” by Hans Keilson

Geography Lesson

Subbing for a first-grade teacher last Thursday, I distributed black-and-white outlines of the map of New Jersey with the names of all 21 counties delineated.

Who knows what this is, I asked, holding up my own outline.

“A map.”

A map of what?

“The United States?”

It’s a map of one of the states. Does anyone know which state?

No answer.

It’s where you live and go to school.

“Park Ridge.”

And what state is Park Ridge in?

“New Jersey.”

You’re used to seeing it on a map of the U.S. You know it’s on the east coast, below New York and next to Pennsylvania. This is what it looks like by itself. But what are all of these different places in New Jersey, I asked, pointing to the counties. What are they called?

“Towns?” said Lucia.

No, but close.

“Cities?” said Liam.

No, but they start with the letter “C.”

“Continents?” said Evan, understandably confused after Governor Chris Christie had traveled by state helicopter all the way from another county to watch his son's baseball game.

No, continents are much bigger than cities, I said, and there are only seven continents. These are called counties. Does anyone know what county Park Ridge is in?

No one knew, so I told them.

Now, look for “Bergen” on your map. When you find it, color it in.

“What color?”

Any color you want.

“Can I color it rainbow?” asked Chris.

Sure.

We pressed on.

“My grandma lives in Burlington,” said Sammy.

“My aunt lives in Mercer,” said Sara.

O.K., find those counties on the map and use different colors for them.

I go to Cape May in September, I said. See if you can locate “Cape May” on the map. Look for it down at the bottom.

“I go to Long Beach Island on vacation,” said Amanda.

Find “Ocean” County on the map, and color that in.

Thus concluded the geography lesson, the children having found and filled in five state counties in different colors (plus Chris’s rainbow-hued Bergen).